Jumble of Thoughts #1

I want to know, what it is like to be an adult. How much it was to sacrifice something in return so that you can be called responsible and reliable. I wanted to know this since such a long time ago. But even after knowing the facts would I be still the same person as ever? Will the truth undermine my principles? How you courage yourself to be able to stand still alone in this harsh world, when there’s no one backing you up,  where people are trying to protecting themselves, what could you do when you’re alone, you have to find someone who could you have faith on, and so did them.

The connections really play a big role in your life. Even then I can’t change the fact that I’m scared of people, I can’t change something that has been built over years on me. After knowing how I can’t play along. When I speak my voice tremble, and people barely hear what I’m trying to tell. It’s hard to change, I’ve tried and it’s hard. It’s better if I just shut up my mouth and didn’t care what was going on in society. I know it is a pleasure that kills me. I know what I have to change, and I have to build my confidence. It is not something you could change in one night. And *poof* everything would turn as you want it to be. The world didn’t work that easy. Then people would surely never know what sadness is, and what anxiety is. And I wouldn’t be this anxious.

Be considerate is good, but sometimes you also have to prioritize yourself. Don’t let people used you, and controlled you. You have your own life, and you deserve for a better chance. Speak up. But then I’m no good with this. After all, I’m just a good for nothing person. I know you should motivate yourself, and think better for a better response. If you think you’re good, then the surrounding will also be good. It’s just a matter of your acting, it will tire you out, but that how the things work. I never really know that things like this would be so complicated, well…personally, I don’t really know what on earth did I write. I just write them down. Nope. Type them, actually. Yeah to let go of all this stressful over-thinking mind of mine.

I just have one regret in my life, and something that I wish I could undo anytime I could. But I can’t. Time never go backward, did that?